All I need is time
by Dark-flames
Summary: Brenda met Lucas at a vulnerable stage. Dylan lost Brenda in a turmoil off emotions. Without love there remains anger, passion, and feelings. Sometimes pain is better than feeling nothing at all, and sometimes pain can grow into affection.
1. Just another disaster

**Disclaimer: **90210, characters, profit, and so forth all belong to someone else. The plot twists, Lucas, and any other characters/events not found in the actual show belong to me (although I am not making a profit). Basically, I would highly appreciate it if you did not sue me. Thanks.

**Summary:** Brenda met Lucas at a vulnerable stage. Dylan lost Brenda in a turmoil off emotions. Without love there remains anger, passion, and feelings. Sometimes pain is better than feeling nothing at all, and sometimes pain can grow into affection.

**Chapter summary: **Saying goodbye to a friend is sometimes more painful when the emotions towards that person are not clear.

Every 30 minutes someone dies in an alcohol-related crash. Alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes killed nearly 17,000 people in 2002 alone (latest figures available). Alcohol is a factor in 6 of all traffic crashes, and over 40 of all fatal crashes.

If you are drinking, do not drive. If you plan to drink, designate a non-drinking driver.

Support the strengthening and vigorous enforcement of impaired-driving laws. These laws save lives.

Young drivers are at particular risk to be involved in alcohol-related crashes. If there is a young driver in your family, strictly enforce a zero tolerance policy with alcohol. All states have a 21-year-old drinking age law.

Your best defense against a drunk driver is wearing your safety belt.

(1) Drinking coffee after alcohol consumption may make you feel more awake, but you're NO LESS IMPAIRED.

(2) A bottle of beer 355 ML a shot 45 ML A glass of wine 150 ML

(3) Designate a Driver BEFORE the Party Begins!

(4) Alcohol actually increases your susceptibility to cold and hypothermia.

(5) Alcohol slows your reaction time …STAY SHARP!

(6) Eating while drinking slows the absorption of alcohol; IT DOES NOT stop the process of intoxication.

(7) Only time will overcome the effects of alcohol. Fresh air and dancing DO NOT change the rate at which alcohol is metabolized by the liver.

**All I need is time, a moment that is mine…**

**_Chapter one, Just another disaster_**

_**Two days before Christmas **_

Brenda walked down the isle, her head held high and her hands clutching onto the single red rose. Her hair was let down, with only a few strands pulled back into a clean bun kept together with a few pins. Her make up was flawless, the pale of her skin toned by the dark around her eyes. The heels made small sounds against the church floor, but it was her dress that caught the attention as it clung to her body. A strapped gown, very simple and without anything extraordinary, like a cleavage or pearls. It ran down past her knees and to match it she wore a beautiful bracelet her brother had gotten her, the silver sparkling in the candle lights.

She did not cry, nor tremble. The only sign of frailty was the slight quiver of her lip and the way she held her breath for long intervals. But then again, almost no one noticed those little things.

The rose slipped out of her hand, falling from the grip of her fingers. As it hit the surface in the deep brown color she sighed. Then, with grace, her body turned and she begun walking back to her seat with a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Dylan met her gaze when she was seated again. Well, actually when she turned around to find him with her eyes. Somehow she could not think of any other place to seek comfort than in his warm gaze, and it provided just that.

Next to her Brandon clutched her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She turned back to sit straight again and looked up at her brother. He was watching her too and only nodded. As if he knew, and maybe after all he did.

The procession was about to start and the minister rose again in the very front, speaking in a hushed voice.

'So we bid farewell.' Was all she made out, but those four words would stay with her a long time.

She felt Brandon's hand slip away and grasped it tighter with hers. Again the boy looked down at her, and again he squeezed her hand but this time without letting go.

Brenda looked down at her dress. All the black melting against her pale skin… So much black.

She was huddled against his warm body, feeling safe with his arm wrapped protectively around her. The umbrella was held in Brandon's other hand and shielded both of them from the falling rain. Her shoes and lower legs could not escape the heavy drops hitting the asphalt though.

To their left a few of their friends were moving in a group, while a few others were scattered in twos, threes, or completely alone all walking somewhere in the larger crowd.

She felt scared and confused at the same time. Struck by the turnout, shocked by the events, a little annoyed by her own actions, or perhaps lack thereof. The past few days had been turmoil.

Part of her was craving the silence, the peace that might just follow. Another part dreaded it, but the greatest part of her knew that there was more to the story, parts that had yet to be told. Like what happened tomorrow or the day after that?

Somehow it did not seem like life could just go back to normal without any other aftermaths than a single death, a procession in the church, a rose falling from her hand, her now shivering body?

'Are you cold?' her brother's voice echoed concern, but mostly it was just safe. She needed that now, safe…

'No.' she lied, not being able to keep her body quite still.

He slipped off his suit and placed it over her shoulders. Then he again placed his arm around her, a simple movement but while he pulled her close she felt a little less confused. Strange, but then again so was the reason they were all here today.

About a week ago today a young boy, Lucas Scott, died in a car accident.

She had met Lucas at a time when she was vulnerable. The first day back from school after breaking up with Dylan.

Some small part of her still wondered if things would have turned out differently had she stayed with Dylan. Even after he admitted to what happened with Kelly. But she had been so angry that day, she had simply agreed to dinner.

From then on, however, their relationship went far beyond dinner. She had never been able to define it. But she knew it was not love. It never could be, but there was anger and betrayal that brought them together.

She did not know he had a problem with drugs when she met him, or that his brother had been sentenced to prison only last summer for assault. Brenda had no idea that he was falling for her. That one day things might get out of control.

But they did. That last Wednesday when they were coming home from a party. He had been drinking and she was mad at him for not letting her drive so they argued, like always.

After a short distance onto a lonely road they were screaming at each other and Brenda wanted to get out. The road was lonely and neither had thought they would meet any traffic.

It happened while Brenda was arguing her point. The one where she stated that intoxicated drivers are prone to get into accident and that she, being sober, should be allowed to drive not him.

When she started crying from fear of what might happened, anger that he was not listening to her nor letting her out of the car by pulling over, then the lights caught both their attention.

Lucas had just bent down to pick up something from between the seats. She screamed again.

He had tried to tug at the steering wheel but nothing seemed to happen. The two cars collided head on in the silent Beverly Hills neighborhood. She had to sit pinned to her seat with her dead boyfriend next to her for the coming fifteen minutes because they no one else was there to open the door. The other driver had suffered a fracture to his arm and was sitting in his car.

All she could do was try not to glance sideways at him and keep breathing.

He never hurt her, not physically. They argued a lot. Maybe that was why they had attracted each other in the first place, why neither one could let go. Because that was what kept them together, the anger and the inability to feel something for each except for that need to share the pain. Him for his brother's problems, she for her troubles with both the boy she loved and the girl she had trusted.

It never made sense to anybody else, in fact there was a poll over Christmas that named them the most un-expected senior couple, but what did they care. He even got her started on some light drugs…

'Brenda, I'm really sorry.' Steve's voice.

'Do you want to go back home?' Brandon asked. 'Some of the others are talking about the Peach Pit, but it's your call.'

'I'd like a cola.' She admitted.

He led her towards the parking, following the main stream. To her left Kelly and Donna said something and Brandon replied. To her right Dylan walked a little behind herself and her brother.

'I'm scared.' She whispered.

'I know.' He replied.

She did not want to let go of his comforting presence.

_**2 months earlier**_

Why do some people run? From fear, hurt, pain, loss… It can be a lot of things, and they always seem to run away in some manner.

Maybe it is because once you face up to whatever the problem is, and then you have to accept it as reality too. Or could it be that they are just so blinded by the shock that they do not even realize they started running?

'_Yes I know I made a lot of wrong decision_

_If I only had the heart to say I want you'_

Dylan's face kept appearing before her. Stupid mind playing tricks, she thought and sighed. She had recognized Donna and David by the lockers, they seemed to be disgustingly happy again, kissing each other and smiling shyly.

'Morning.' She said a little harshly. It was quite unintentional, but it slipped out anyways. A lot of things seemed to these days.

'Hi Bren.' Donna replied, turning away from her boyfriend to look at her friend. 'You know I called you…'

Brenda thought about the confusion in the other's tone of voice. 'Yeah I know, I'm sorry.'

'Brandon said you were… busy?' Donna asked.

'I was.'

'Want to talk about it?' David asked.

'No.' Brenda stated, shutting the door of her locker. 'I have class, so…' she let the sentence die out.

'Yeah sure, I'll see you at lunch.' Donna agreed, and the threesome exchanged nods before Brenda made her own way down the hallway and towards a flight of stairs that would take her up a level.

It seemed eerily alone again, a little intimidating even the size of the campus, yet she felt more at ease than last she had noted the scary feeling. That had been the first day back in her junior year. She had worried people would have forgotten about her, that it would be just like the year before. Brand spanking new, with no one to turn to for advice?

Kelly would certainly not be here this time, although a part of Brenda was thankful for that notion. She felt a little annoyed with herself, possibly even guilty, for feeling that way.

Not that she did not have the right to be hurt or even angry, she felt quite allowed, but she still could not stand with the idea of hurting her friend.

'Brenda!' a voice shouted down the hallway. Talk of the… Well, an old saying at least.

She chose to ignore the call and kept on walking right ahead. After a few more attempts the person shouting at her stopped, it almost sounded as if she were interrupted.

Curious as to see the reason Brenda paused by her classroom and turned around to gaze back at the blond girl. It should not have come as such a big surprise, but there he was. Dylan MacKay whispering something in what looked like a rapid pace. She sighed…

Walking into the classroom was like any other day. The students were preoccupied with chatting loudly, chewing gum, working on some last minute home work, or just staring into thin air. Except for one boy.

He looked up to follow her movements as she made her way to the back row of desks and sat down. He was two seats away from her, leaving an empty space between them.

'Hi.'

She hesitated, thinking she had imagined the sound as she placed her books down neatly before her.

'Hi.' She replied, turning to look up at him.

He was rather cute in fact, but hardly someone she would have taken much notice of had Dylan… He was cute, yet had some rough edges to him. He drawled a little as he spoke.

'Did you hear about Mr. Jones?' he asked, in what she for the first time realized was a bit of a British accent.

'No, why?' she chose to play along in the conversation.

'Turns out he was caught with one of the staff members in the lounge here at school, got suspended.' The stranger explained.

'Really? How gossipy of you to share.' Brenda said, with a little smile.

'Well, that's what I'm here for.'

She eyed him. 'I'm Brenda Walsh.' She explained.

'I know.' He replied, completely without a hint of informing her of his own identity.

'And you are?' she asked, a little flattered he appeared to have already known her name.

'Lucas.'

'Lucas.' She repeated. 'Nice to meet you gossip boy.'

'Is that going to be a permanent thing, gossip boy?' Lucas asked.

She nodded half heartedly. 'Why, don't you like it?'

'No it's great, I was simply thinking wonder boy, or maybe handsome one.'

'You are quite full of yourself aren't you?' Brenda asked, beginning to form an interest in the new relation.

'Well, I dare you to find out.' Lucas continued.

'What's that supposed to mean?' she replied.

'There's this game on Friday, basketball, I've got tickets.'

'Are you hitting on me?' she asked, a little surprised.

'Would that be a good thing?' he timidly asked.

**A/N**: And I want REVIEWS! Feed back please, ideas, thoughts, anger, happiness, anything and all I will enjoy reading. Come on people, gimme.

Love you all, and don't drink and drive!

/Darkflames


	2. Dear readers

Dear readers,

I wanted to make sure you all knew how much I love and appreciate you and that every review and every number that increases upon someone reading my story makes my day. Thank you for all the amazing support, ideas, and warmth that you've brought.

Lately, as you may or may not have noticed, I have not been updating any stories despite my promises and I apologize. My life has taken some un-expected turns which have craved my attention more than the writing, sadly, but I am working hard to resolve all this and hopefully, at the latest, I will be able to not only start updating regularly but also wrap up several storylines during the spring.

I hope you will all remain with me through this process and keep reading and reviewing (or just feel free to e mail or write a review notice about whatever, I answer all those I can and find a return address to).

Thank you again for your support, you are all amazing,

All my love & be safe out there,

Darkflames/Petra


	3. 111

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of 90210 or FOX, make no profit off these works, nor wish to be sued... great, now that's out of the way.**

**...so it continues**

_whatever do we really know of this mighty scary world_

'Lucas?' her voice was soft, drawn out.

It was a cold night, the air having turned rapidly from the heat wave of last week. A strapless black dress left pleanty of pale skin to glisten in the moonlight, and a pair of red lips quivered in excitement as their ownress took another step into the dark opening.

'Lucas?' she tried again, a small smile playing on her features.

'Shhh…' came the almost immediate reply this time, and a pair of comfortable arms wrapped around her from behind.

'So this is your idea of getting our minds of things?' Brenda asked, not bothering to turn around and look at her boyfriend. Instead she simply basked in his precense.

'Sure, tell me truthfully, have you even once thought about the carnival tonight?' he quired.

'Well, truthfully that wasn't really what I was worried about thinking of.' She admitted.

'Hm… Dylan then?' he asked, sounding honestly curious.

'No, not like that. You? Thinking of Nate?'

'Nah… You know.'

'Sure.' She replied, this time in a calm whisper.

A fire crackled before them, yellow and blue flames ghosting upwards towards the skies. Stars were sprinkled across the darkness, and somewhere far away you could hear the ocean rumbling.

'This place is perfect. How did you find it?' Brenda asked.

'It's in the boy scout handbook, didn't you know?' Lucas replied.

He had wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. He gazed intently at the trees as if expecting them to hold all the answers.

'I sense a moody turn of events.' Brenda stated. 'Don't you dare start worrying okay. Tonight is about having fun, about relaxing.'

'Huh… You sound eerily like my mother, only so completely different.'

'How so? How am I different?' she asked with a hint of challenge in her voice.

'Well for starters, my mother would probably never try any of this. At least not around me.' He held out a joint in front of Brenda's calm face. 'Plus, I really really wanna kiss you and that'd be awkward in the other scenario.'

'Right…' she murmured in response and turned her head slightly so that their lips could meet. 'You sure you're okay though?'

'As I'll ever be.' Lucas replied, his eyes already growing more distant as he let the smoke of his home-made cigarett linger in his lungs. Brenda mimicked his motions.

_whatever can we do about this crazy darkness_

'Just shut up!' she screamed.

A plate hit the wall, and she shrieked. Not in fear, or even surprise, but anger.

'Bitch!' a male voice shouted in reply.

'Aaaaaaa!' All she could think of was to cry out. Without much thought she leaned back against the wall and let her body slide down to the floor.

'This isn't really fairy tale material is it?' Lucas asked softly, stepping into the room.

He was wearing a plain gray t-shirt and some rugged jeans. In his hand a bottle of Jack hung loosley. Almost as if he was boored with it.

'I suppose not.' Brenda replied, lazily.

'I'm sorry you know.' He stated after a full minutes pause.

'Yeah… Me too.' She replied.

With that he sat down beside her and they shared the remaints of the whiskey.

_You look at me so closely_

'What don't I understand Bren?' the harsh voice belonged to her brother, but under the loud booming tone you could hear the heavy lines of worry practically dripping from it.

'I just… I can't explain it.' She said, not thinking clearly enough to find other answers.

'Try… Please.' Brandon let out a sigh. 'You've worked so hard. You've got a chance at doing a play here! I mean, come on Bren, you really wanna throw all that away?'

'Maybe Brandon, maybe not. It's not as simple as it looks. This isn't just… I know I've done some bad things before, some crazy things. But honestly? This is not like that. I need you to understand that. And I can't just walk away from it. Not until it's finished.'

'And how will it, whatever that is, be finished?' Brandon asked, much softer this time.

She shrugged. 'When I can look back and say good bye without feeling wrong.'

'Okay.'

_as if my voice would save you..._

'3. 2. 1…' he spoke in gentle almost singing tones.

'What on earth are you doing?' she asked, giggling.

'I'm counting down the stars.'

'Huh…'

'Huh?'

'Well, yes. That's a new one isn't it?' Brenda stated rather than asked.

'I like to think so.'

'I bet…' she said.

'I suppose we're crazy aren't we?' he asked.

'I suppose… Doesn't mean we're wrong.' She replied. 'but it does indicate that you need to put away that or you'll end up hurt one of these days.' She motioned vaguel towards the beer.

'Nah… Come on I've had worse.'

'Yes but that's your seventh in two hours.'

With that she turned and walked back into the house, music blaring out of the windows. It was another party, another Beverly hills evening, and Brenda Walsh was tired but content.

_I can't help but warn you_

She met him in class. The following friday he took her out for a view of LA she had never experienced. He showed her a scene where everything was risky, but brutally beautiful all the same.

Lucas twirled with locks of her dark hair, and let her drive his car. As they pulled down the sufflette and cruised down the California highway, laughing, they were unstoppable. They were Bonnie and Clyde, riding towards their destinies.

Three months earlier Lucas had stood in a dark alley in Seattle, outside a house party where the music was still playing so loudly no one heard his screams. No one aside from his brother, who chose that moment to walk out.

Lucas' hair had been damp and sticking to his forehead, and tears were cascading down his cheeks, amidst begs of 'please' and 'no' as the other men kicked and pulled at his clothes. Ten minutes later they were scattered and running off, except for one man who was laying on the ground bleeding. Ten hours later Nathan, Lucas big brother, was arressted for man slaughter. A month later he was sentenced to jail.

As Lucas' hand moved through Brenda's hair she would smile, laugh even. Her throaty and heartfelt voice drifted through the wind, and he couldn't help but let himself smile as well.

The week after their first date they spent ever evening with each other. The week after that they shared their first kiss. A month later they were considered a steady couple, but had yet to hold hands in public. In fact, they were as close as any two people could be knowing each other for such a short time. Two teenagers with dark hearts and memories, grasping at each others sanity.

He was writing a book. She was the under-study in a theater production. Together they could excell in their work, but they also tore each other down.

_We're already in debt here, fallen angels of sorts, long lost wings I suppose_

15 days into their relationship Brenda smoked again.

27 days since their first date Lucas punched Steve for calling Brenda a lying bitch.

33 days ino their friendship Brenda and Kelly walked past each other in the hallway. Brenda didn't seem to notice, Kelly tried in vain to search her old friends eyes for contact. Secretly they both cried in separate bathrooms ten minutes later.

42 days into their relationship Brenda was high. They were smoking joints after Lucas had heard Nathan had been beaten badly in prison and Brenda had heard her father telling Brandon he was the hope of the family for the future.

56 days from that one morning class Brenda was naked in Lucas bed.

61 days and they skipped school for a week to raise money to help a single mother from the valley get medications to her kids.

67 days and Brenda was bailing Lucas out after he had been driving. Drunk.

70 days and Brandon warned her.

72 days and Brenda walked into the kitchen of casa Walsh stoned out of her mind. She didn't even notice her old friends sitting there with her parents.

73 days and Brandon screamed at her.

74 days and Dylan begged her on his knees to get help.

75 days and Brandon walked away from a screaming sister.

76 days and Brenda stood on stage at a downtown theater. The next morning papers reviewed the production, deciding her performance left the lead characters to appear as extras.

77 days and Jim and Cindy Walsh met Lucas accidentally at the mall. He was perfectly nice, and they wondered who was influencing who.

78 days had Lucas so drunk he didn't notice his fist struck someone not something.

79 days and Brenda covered her bruised cheek with make up.

80 days and they celebrated an anniversary. He got high and she downed a bottle of Jacks.

81 days and Brenda told Brandon she'd never wanted to go to Paris.

85 days and Lucas cried into Brenda's embrace.

90 days and Brenda wondered what was wrong with her. Lucas told her she was perfect, but that she needed to get away from the darkness.

95 days and Lucas wondered if he was responsible for killing his girlfriend. Brenda shrugged, and said she was still breathing. He relented the discussion, but called her brother that night.

97 days and Brandon met Lucas. The latter showed him a fresh review and told him that Brenda deserved better. Brandon agreed.

99 days later and a poll came out in West beverly. Most unexpected senior romance? Lucas and Brenda won by miles.

100 days and Brenda fell apart. Again. Lucas picked her up and held her through the night.

110 days later and Brenda was perfectly sober. Ten days straight. Lucas drank as if his life depended on it.

110 days later Brenda insisted she drive, but Lucas shook his head.

110 days later Brenda lay naked in her boyfriends bed for the last time.

110 days later a truck ran into them.

111 days after Brenda went on her first date with Lucas he was no longer breathing, and she was stumbling through the hospital with his blood on her clothes.

_who are you to tell me to walk away?_

_what are we to do about the world and it's crazy ways..._

'Why are you still here?' she asked softly, hating the fact that she sounded so small.

'I'll always be here.' He replied and drew her closer against his side.

Brenda marveled in how Brandon smelled so much like home, and how warm his shoulder was.

**What did you think? Insane? Crazy? Drop a thought in the review box. Til next time, stay safe and strong. I love you all...**

**/DF**


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